Last week I got to be a part of something pretty rare in America. The very first couple that I ever married had their 20 year anniversary. They came to Austin and I had the privilege of renewing their vow as they looked forward to the next 20 years. Here’s a before and after pic.
May 6, 1989 May 6, 2009
And yes, that’s me 20 years ago. Still rockin’ the facial hair and some semblance of, what was at the time, a cool head of hair.
We went to lunch afterward and caught up on the past twenty years. We talked about old times and old friends and in the course of the conversation I found myself wondering why so many of the friends that I grew up with didn’t make it in their faith or in their marriages. And, more importantly, how can we more intentionally prepare people to be more successful in both of these areas. So here are a few observations that I have made over my 20 plus years of ministry that are consistent in those who’ve made it.
- Faith matters. It seems as though the people who are the most successful in their relationships and in their marriages have a deep, meaningful faith. They aren’t religious. In fact, the more they grow in their faith, the less religious they appear. They move from being legalistic rule-followers to being people who really love God and love others and who have figured out that God’s life is the best life we can live. They have joy and peace that moves beyond circumstances and they trust God in every area of life. So many people think that going to church is the answer. Loving God is the answer! The more serious we get about loving God, the more we will experience His love in our lives. And I’m not talking about giving lip service to God. I mean lovingly surrendering our lives to Him, trusting Him to lead us where He wants us to be. Going to church won’t guarantee your success. Loving God will.
- Commitment matters. Every time I perform a wedding, I am reminded of how much commitment matters. I mean, seriously, if every married couple lived up to the promises they made at the altar, promises to love, honor, cherish, through thick and thin, placing their needs before our own, forsaking all others as long we both shall live - our homes would be thriving and not just barely surviving.
- Friends matter. Do you surround yourself with people who encourage you? Do you have people around you who speak truth into your life, not just what you want to hear? We have a tendency to distance ourselves from people who don’t tell us what we want to hear. I have what used to be best friends whom I haven’t talked with in over 15 years, simply because they didn’t want me speaking truth into their lives. If we’re not careful, we will surround ourselves with people who have no vested interest in our personal growth, who don’t challenge us to become the best we can be and who will ultimately lead us away from becoming the person God has created us to be.
- Choices matter. Those pictures above give a twenty year snapshot of how much Dale, Kerrie and I have changed over the years. The change is pretty obvious. But the reality is the change has taken place gradually, barely noticed over the course of 20 years. Every choice you make takes you one step closer to the person that you will one day become. No one goes through life hoping they will be addicted to drugs, alcohol or pornography. No one goes through life hoping they will be divorced one day or that their kids will hate them. No one goes through life hoping they will be dishonest in business or ruined in relationships. The change happens gradually with each of the small choices we make along the way. What was a simple act of flirting turned into an adulterous relationship. A simple cutting corners in a business turned into fraud and embezzlement. A simple hiatus in a faith journey turned into years of disregarding God’s direction for life. People wake up one day find themselves nowhere near where they envisioned themselves. Every….choice….matters. You are becoming who you one day will be. Are you making wise choices today to ensure that you will become who you want to be tomorrow?
Hopefully this list was helpful. I’d love to hear your thoughts as well. If you have a thriving marriage or faith, what is it that makes it work for you? And what are you doing to ensure that if God grants you another 20 years of life, they will be the best 20 years you’ve ever had?
Thirsting for Him,
Chris
